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There that person is, the one that always has a complaint. The one that has been cheated out of things all of their life and everything has been unfair to them. Some people are just filled with discontent. Some people actually seem to want to stay in this state, although they would deny this. Unfortunately, many of these individuals want you to be miserable too. Misery loves company and they are seeking your company to join them.

Having been in business for over 35 years, I have been witness to and I have worked with many who have displayed this description. As a fellow employee we must be aware and cautious of allowing ourselves to get caught up with the misery. Tread lightly, as many of the complaints, arguments, and items of discontent sound so convincing and some may have merit. But there is a way, a place, and a time to voice and bring about any that you may have.

The next danger we face is how we manage to this as leaders. Early in my career at one place of my employment I tried to win a group of these employees over, but they were never satisfied. The next manager that replaced me had more experience, quickly defined their bad character, gave them a chance to change, and then removed them from the business. This was a valuable learning experience for me. Misery loves company.

Another danger, that as a leader we face, is having someone with strong talents yet they are a misery loves company-type of person. The danger is we believe we can manage around the misery part, the complaints and discontent, because the talent part has value. Unfortunately that misery, complaining, and discontent will still spread. Why? Because misery loves company, and they will always look to find it.

In business we must define, create, communicate, and execute a process that we welcome input, feedback, ideas, innovation, and critique. But within that process is the professional way we allow for this to be done. If I have not told my boss my concerns I should not be telling others. Five Dysfunctions of a Team describes what is called a First Team environment. For managers this is awesome as you actually build the trust to disagree. But as leaders we must have that openness on how we receive a message so the messenger feels safe to bring it and not be apprehensive.

So as we lead, and as we believe we implemented the right openness for communication and feedback, how do we manage that person who just loves misery? How has the lack of taking action cost us in the past? How did the person bring others on board to their misery and did our problem just grow larger? Yes, misery loves company.

As a person who had a cancer scare and whose family history brings the concern that it must be monitored closely I do not speak of cancer lightly, as it took my father. But I believe that once we clearly define someone as a misery loves company-type of person, and we have done everything to confront it and change it but it still persists, we do what we do with cancer – we cut it out. If not, it is going to spread. If we try to medicate the situation because the person has talent, the problem does not go away. This is why hiring, managing, and keeping people of good character are so important. We owe it to those people to remedy a cure. Why? Because misery does love company, and they are looking for more.

I was just starting out in the workforce, which in my days as a teenager most of us worked fast food. The work was steady and the pay met my needs at the time. But as I started working in the workforce I realized that who you associated yourself with at work was important. I just believed it was important for other reasons.

I wanted to hang out with the cool teens that I worked with. It’s funny how little groups seem to form in the workplace, and it certainly did back then. So I remember that everyone was friendly, but one group seemed to be what I perceived was cool. Yes, that was the rating we gave things that met a certain element of approval. Cool was good and cool was popular. That is what I wanted to be a part of.

So during my days off and after work I started hanging out with the cool crowd from work. It’s always nice to make new friends and I believed the more friends you could have the “cooler” you would be perceived. I was more concerned with how I was perceived. Another way to state this is I was more concerned with my reputation.

Over time I would be with the cool group and someone in the group would cause some mischief or do some things that would make me uncomfortable. Some of their actions crossed the line of right and wrong. But because I was concerned about my reputation I went along. Yes, I was a fool.

It did not take long for my mother to see a change, but also notice I was not the happy son she knew. As I have stated before, my mother was the best leadership coach, who chose to be a housewife, and as a coach and leader she recognized the warning signs. As a coach and leader, she confronted the situation. My mother questioned, and I listened. She told me what she observed and what her motherly wisdom was telling her. She always could see right through me.

In time I opened up to my mother and about my misgivings of my new found friends. My mother stopped me and asked if I was concerned about my reputation, and certainly I said yes. Now I knew she would understand that. She didn’t.

My mother, in her leadership wisdom coached me to see the difference and the importance for me to be more concerned about my character than my reputation. She said, “Marcos Antonio, reputations come and go but your character stays with you. Your character is who you are as a person.”

My mother taught me that people will worry about their reputation. Problem is even people of bad character worry of such. My mother stated, “Your reputation may open doors but your character will keep you there.”

Thanks Mom. I learned and observed as my character allowed me to go through difficult times. Mom said, “When faced with a crisis a man of character falls back on himself.” Mom, that is so true, and that man of character will gain strength and from those experiences become a better man. After all when we are more concerned about our character, what can be said about our reputation?

There you are, in a meeting with your peers, making decisions that will impact your department, impact your company, and impact you. Another peer, or even the leader throws out an idea that others quickly grab on to as a good idea and direction, but you have concerns, legitimate concerns. Do you have the trust, to disagree?

If you find this question confusing, then maybe you never had the trust within your organization to disagree. Perhaps the culture that you reside in does not encourage disagreement. Maybe you have been left to believe that it’s more important to agree and build from there, than to disagree and cause conflict. You might think and believe that you are not a team player?

I ask once more, do you have the trust to disagree? Furthermore, do you have the trust to challenge opinions based upon facts, not emotions? Do you have the trust that by voicing an opinion contrary to the discussion, or the trust to challenge the conventional wisdom of an idea that by voicing your concern the results of the final outcome will be better. Finally, do you have the trust, that if you bring up your concerns that you will be listened to, your concerns and feedback considered, and if that decision does not change that you will support that decision as your own?

The ability to trust to disagree is the culture of high performing teams and teammates. I have a counterpart that he and I have this trust. We both believe that the other has the best interest of our company in mind. That does not mean we don’t disagree. In fact, we agree that we can disagree. But we both think about the bigger picture. If he and I have a disagreement we cannot settle we trust we can take it to our superior, and own the decision as our own. I can’t think of the last time we had to do that.

Now take that one more level. I have the trust that I can disagree in our Executive Team meetings, bring concerns, and debate the facts with a passion. I have the trust I can voice concerns to our CEO, President, COO, and HR and be heard based upon the facts and not feel that my job is threatened. I have also witnessed that by having that ability, built from the top down, that our company, our decisions, and the individuals of our Executive Team are better for it. From there, our employees and our customers reap the benefits and the rewards.

The trust to disagree, to debate passionately, and to bring about better decisions is something that is not just stated, but something that must be lived. It starts at the top, but demonstrated throughout. I can honestly state that at times some concerns I have voiced would have brought fear to me at another employer. But I have that trust. Built and demonstrated professionally, factually, and with respect. Do you have the trust to disagree?

There I was, in trouble for causing mischief at school. Yes, I was kind of a class clown, and class clowns live for the attention they receive. But as my bad conduct report made it home for my parents to be informed I knew I would have consequences.

Rewards or consequences.

This was a phrase my mom would simply state. Unfortunately she would sometimes repeat the statement as well. It was important for my mother to teach me that life is all about rewards or consequences. My parents showed me many rewards for good behavior and good deeds. Good grades in school, good deeds and conduct at home, or just doing my chores without having to be reminded brought rewards. It was great to be on the rewards side.

Rewards or consequences, yes that statement usually meant I had to be reminded about consequences, which usually meant I did something wrong. My mom, who was the best leadership coach who chose to be a housewife, wanted me to experience both sides as it was important to her for me to understand this form of behavior modification.

My mom explained to me. “Marcos Antonio, rewards are there for you in life and you will have to learn that it is best to place yourself on the rewards side. When you have a family and are working hard, your employers will use the same technique. You want to be known as someone who deserves, earns, and responds to rewards. There are consequences for everything we do. But in this context the consequences I am speaking about are what occurs and what you will receive because you did something wrong. Not only will you suffer the consequences of your actions as they usually bring unwanted results, but also the consequences on how others perceive you.”

Rewards or consequences.

Mom, I certainly have had both in my life. And as you taught me, when its consequences I must face them head on and need to take responsibility allowing the consequences to teach me to be a better man for it. Hopefully I have done this. The rewards and consequences I have encountered have made me who I am today. It makes each of us who we are. Mom, you taught me to allow both to develop my character. As a mother you may have not wanted to see me face consequences, but you knew I needed to. That is a sign of a mothers love.

As a leader in business I teach all those in which I am responsible for that we have rewards or consequences. We reward good behavior in work execution. We reward those that are coachable and those that achieve good results the right way. We want rewards to be visible and desired. We like to point to success. The One Minute Manager teaches us to catch someone doing something right. This is an exact form of working from the rewards side. But as leaders we must also teach and show that there are consequences for not executing, not adhering to policies or processes, or not being coachable. We confront it, explain it factually, and reset expectations. As a leader I may not want my employees to have to face consequences, but much like my mother I know they need to.

Why does this seem so hard to understand? Yet, we struggle with the philosophy. Growing up, I always struggled with the idea that who I surround myself with is more than likely who I will become. Certainly we all want to be liked, and in many ways we all want to be popular. But it finally hit me like a brick.

As stated, growing up I sometimes struggled with who I called my “friends”. I had a couple good friends in elementary school that were tall for their age while I was average. But as a group we strayed in many ways and found ourselves in trouble many times. There were plenty of times when our teacher, Mrs. Winchester would talk to each of us separately and try to educate us on how the others were bad influences.

Funny, I remember thinking we were the cool kids. No one got in our way and other kids wanted to be part of our clique. But shortly thereafter there were some things that occurred at our school that we had nothing to do with. However, because of our mischievous ways we were the first ones questioned. Over time we would find ourselves accused of everything.

Finally I exploded, and told my mother how unfair it was. I expected she would be the first to defend me. It was not that simple. In everything that my mother did, she did for me to learn and to grow. She knew that even if what she said caused me pain that if I needed to hear it, she would say it. She was the best leadership coach who chose to be a housewife.

“How can you blame them, with whom you chose to hang around with?”

What? This was my mother’s reply. I started to make my argument and she instantly motioned her hand and used those two words that gained my attention. “Marcos Antonio, you and those you hang around with have done enough mischievous things that you have yourselves to blame. You need to learn that in life it will always be important to be aware that whom you chose to hang around with is how others will see you. In addition, it will be what you will become.”

My mom always made a lot of sense. She had great wisdom. In time I was cognizant of the fact that whomever I would associate with is how others would view me. As I hungered for a career and growth along the way I quickly learned the next step. Successful people surround themselves with successful people. This is so true in many ways. Successful people share ideas and truly desire for everyone to be successful. Successful people are giving of their time and always have an ear to listen and to provide feedback. Over time hanging around successful people just drives your focus to the right values and principles because those around you live them each day and it is the foundation of success.

I realize this is why we are connected here, because successful people surround themselves with successful people. Thanks for helping in my success.

Like most sons, I always looked forward to my visits back home. Like most men, I always looked forward to Mom’s cooked meals. Oh, the good ole home cooking was the best. I long for it today.

What I miss most about my mother is our discussions. No matter what age I was, I could always talk to her about challenges. I have mentioned many times, my mother was the best leadership coach who chose to be a housewife. I am not sure she intentionally knew she was teaching me leadership, but in her loving way she believed she was preparing me for living a life that would have challenges and roadblocks.

There I was, a young manager in a business, and I was discussing with my mom some of the challenges I was having. I explained to my mother on how I believed the business I was managing could grow and achieve success, but that I was having challenges with implementing plans and actions that the employees could complete and drive to success.

Yes, between each bite of her famous fried chicken, I would explain the struggles I was encountering with my managers completing tasks or assignments, or keeping pace with the rate in which I wanted things implemented or accomplished. My mom knew just the way to question me to gain insight. She would ask me, “How are you guiding them and what are you providing for them to understand your guidance?”

Great question, Mom! My answer was vague.

That was when my mother stated, “If you find yourself going in circles, you probably cut too many corners.” Wow, what does that mean?

My mom explained that if I am not creating a complete plan with my managers, the managers and other personnel would then lack direction. This, compounded with the lack of a complete plan, would cause disarray because I would then pressure them to be further along when I did not provide the plan or the steps for them to be at that point. I was causing chaos with my team.

I asked my mom, “How would I implement that process now? That would be embarrassing to admit to my managers that I am the problem.” My Mom was always quick to point out that humility is a strength, not a weakness. She stated that she believes my managers and employees would appreciate the honesty and would even want to participate in the planning. She was always correct with this belief.

If you find yourself going in circles you probably cut too many corners.

This one simple message has taught me so much about leadership and planning. We owe it to those we lead to plan properly, without taking shortcuts. Proper planning will allow us to still move at a fast pace, but will allow us to execute to the fullest.

Thanks Mom, hopefully I will recognize if I am going in circles and realize that I may have cut too many corners. More importantly, hopefully I will plan accordingly to begin with.